How To NOT Have a Bad Time on Stimulative Drugs

written by zak/thizz-or-die 

as you and I both know, stimulants are a group of drugs that speed up the central nervous system. some common stimulants are: methylamphetamine, amphetamine, dextroamphetamine (dexedrine, vyvanse, adderall, etc), cocaine, MDPV (bath salts), caffeine/coffee, etc.

now because my stomach is in extreme pain and I am struggling to not punch my stomach out of anger, I wanted to write this quick and helpful guide to make sure the very same unfortunate suffering doesn’t befall the next uneducated, unsuspecting chum.

1. Before/After ingesting stimulants of some kind, do not consume any kind of foods that you would otherwise not want to have a bad bathroom day with. And I mean that shit. no pun intended. This includes top ramen for you broke niggaz out there. (jk top ramen is dank im pillow soft)

2. Do not chainsmoke 2-3 cigarettes because “you are bad and feel like it”, because shortly after this you will “feel bad and you wont like it”, and then you might just puke. Real talk doe.

3. When driving, do not see the road as a rally course and especially do not try to overtake other vehicles on a two laned street going up hill at ~60mph because your adrenaline is going bananas and you feel like speed racer. because you will get ooo-ah-oooowned when oncoming traffic derails your bitch ass off the side of the cliff. ouch, yard sale.

4. Don’t hit up every member of the opposite sex in your phone that is otherwise somewhat attractive. You will feel like the King of Red Lions, I know this, but you do not have swag. believe that, you just sound like a creepy, way too confident guy who will come off as even more of a deranged asshole if the opposing party knows you are under the influence of a certain stimulative type drug. Following this, the sincerity and validity of all of your statements/compliments unto this person will be questionable. Which you don’t want, because explaining yourself on stimulants is annoying as fuck and sometimes you lose sight of what you were trying to explain in the first place and end up going from sincerity to talking about how to take apart a bus and put it back together in the same night. It’s okay, we don’t judge — but they do, and our opinion doesn’t matter anyways because it’s not like you’re gonna slay us, you’re trying to slay her, so stop being a dumb fuck and use your head.

5. I am aware you feel like you’re on top of the world and you must be thinking about something truly riveting, I’m sure, but would it kill ya to actually say something for once? You’ve been sitting here… for an hour … barely saying a word. You just took this bitch out to dinner, the easy part was getting her and yourself here. Now, you have to force food down your gullet otherwise she’s gonna think you’re weird for taking her out to eat when you’re on speed and then she’s going to feel even more awkward if she’s the only one eating. stop being stupid.

6. Yo playa, while you’re vocabulary game is on point and everything you’re saying sounds like it flows tremendously and extravagantly, you are actually confusing the shit out of everybody around you. Yes, I am aware you are an adult at this time, however believe it or not a lot of people still don’t read the dictionary in the spare time like you apparently have, Speedy. Take a walk.

7. What?! You want to attempt armed robbery/battery of some kind? Yeah uh I’m not even going to explain this one. You’ve obviously had a little too much yowder this evening, you need to settle down. Take a walk.

8. IM NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY AND BE CUTE FOR THIS ONE DO NOT AND I MEAN *DO NOT* TRY AND DANCE. I KNOW IT FEELS LIKE IT’S TOLERABLE BUT YOU LOOK STUPID AND STOP DOING THE ROBOT. JESUS CHRIST MAN.

9. When watching a movie out with friends, or TV, remember to laugh when shit is funny. Instead of sitting there literally analyzing every bit of WHY what just happened was funny like a weird robot, you should try to laugh when your group laughs so that you don’t seem so fucking weird. Also, when you go to use the bathroom don’t start drawing on the bathroom stall you’ll lose track of time and get distracted resulting in you sitting there drawing on this bathroom stall for an hour. What the hell did you write? Your life story? Take a walk.

10. I know you feel like the shit and the dude in the back of the classroom/workplace/car behind you in traffic/etc is really annoying you, but contrary to popular belief you cannot and will not get away with beating this guys face in. Retain your aggression, relax, regain your focus, remain calm, cool, and collected. Besides, think about countin stacks. That’s way better and motivational.

11. While this may seem like a pretty good idea at the time, do NOT masturbate/have sex for multiple hours straight. This may seem very doable but you will seem very shitty and in pain tomorrow morning when you wake up, sore as fuck, from — you guessed it - masturbating for multiple hours on stimulants like a crazy person. You will waste your entire day and even after you finish you will become incredibly exhausted and the motivational/sped up aspects of the drugs you just took a while ago will have been wasted. I know it might seem a tad difficult at first, just keep yourself preoccupied, and maybe don’t go on tumblr if you have something REALLY important to be doing. Tumblr has a way of somehow making porn/hot things appear all over your dash when you least expect it. 

12. It’s easy to lose track of time, if you have something important to be doing on this drug you took then you should be doing it. If you start to read your facebook feed and feel “oh wtf my feed is less boring than usual” you will become distracted for a long period of time resulting in wasted time and technically wasted drugs. Take a walk.

13. Actually do something. If you just take this drug and sit around at home all day long you will have accomplished nothing (unless what you had to do was at home to begin with) and you will regret having wasted your day at it’s end, resulting in a buzzkill. 

14. No, that animal cannot understand you. Stop talking to your pets. Take a walk.

15. Try to fix your posture a bit, if you sit in the same spot for long periods of time without stretching/moving then you will become incredibly sore after a while. This is common with lower back pain, slouching, etc. Because you are fixated on what you are doing, im going to assume it is the computer/homework, that you dont really realize you should be stretching and the stimulants youre on make you feel comfortable regardless of how youre sitting so it’s really easy to forget. Getting up to stretch and shit will feel awesome anyways so what are you waiting for.




Posted 1 year ago at 11:35am with 176 notes
Tagged as: #vyvanse #adderall #dexedrine #desoxyn #meth #amphetamine #speed #drugs #high #stimulant #guide

  1. holographicexistence reblogged this from eatsleepdefeatrepeat
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  6. pharma-connoisseur reblogged this from eatsleepdefeatrepeat and added:
    So true and just a lil funny
  7. turquoisedtortoise reblogged this from eatsleepdefeatrepeat
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  11. stonedpillpopper reblogged this from eatsleepdefeatrepeat and added:
    Lol, this shit is on point
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  14. clockworkdevotchka reblogged this from eatsleepdefeatrepeat and added:
    oh fuck..i start Vyvanse tommorow